I'm so blurred at this moment.
Got tons of feelings all jumbled up in me.
I want to go home,
but I don't want to go home at the same time.

I just don't wana face people back home yea know. I hate it when they all start asking questions that I just don't wana answer or, I feel that its none of their business to know about my life and I just gotta smile to brush it off. It's so freaggin burdening. Yes, I may have people skills but when it comes to personal stuff...I'm a coward.

I chicken out.

Anyways, just to let you guys know...I don't think I'll be coming back end of this year, or Chinese New Year (not confirmed yet). The thing is that end of this year, I have a Bali trip planned out with drop-dead-low-to-die-for-price tickets, and we might be even able to get rooms at the Hard Rock Hotel Bali...happy? Yes, very happy! As for chinese New Year, heard from my friend that all flights back home are already fully booked and there are practically no flights back home. Even she is on a waiting list. So you guys tell me how lah!

Almost went back home these past few days. Mom, had a pretty bad fall and broke her leg just above her ankle. And now she's in a cast and has to be in the cast for about 3 months. Hrmmm...really wanted to go back to see her but she insisted that I stayed so that I can work and concentrate on my job. She made one point though...whether I was ready to face people and the hometown community. Haha. I know she misses me and loves me, she knows I miss her and love her too. It's a mother - daughter thing I guess.

I love you ma..

Hrmm...I've been feeling really low lately, not my usual self. I know people may be seeing something other than what I'm saying but, I don't know...like I said before, I'm just feeling all mixed up and confused. The direction to wher my life is heading for, the condition my love life is in at the current present (its a religion thing, yea know), the things I dream of doing but not being able to accomplish,....

Oh Lord, help.
I just feel so lost and I need you to come pull me up again. I'm just drowning in myself. I want to find you again. I miss you so much and I'm sorry if I haven't been spending enough time with you, reading your word. I'm sorry if I have only been coming to you when I need you and not when I'm living my life everyday. Lord, I just pray that you give me the strength that I need, the wisdom to make the right choices and the love to love others like how you would love them. I love you Lord and I pray for your guidance and wisdom to guide me and lead me through the rough as well as the smooth sailing.
In Jesus Name, Amen,


Goodnight people.
♥ Yomi.