We had been dating for about 3 months before we started sleeping with each other - I know it's a sin (and I have repented already) but I had my reasons then. so judge thee yourself before judging others! ok - and then in august just 3 months after that -___________________-" you know lah. *ta-daa*
well I had missed my period for the first month, we didn't think anything of it as it had happened to me before, so we waited til the second month and still. no.sign.of.the.red.dot! and then we decided to get the pregnancy test kit. Getting the kit was funny. This was roughly the conversation we had.
Me: Why don't you go in and get it while I wait outside.We then hurried to the toilet in the mall near where we worked. and the results. POSITIVE. My immediate reaction, throw everything away! I didn't know what to think. I mean to be pregnant. in a foriegn country. at 21 years old. not stable financially. with no plans at all. and with a history like mine (my mum was a single mum as well) it is such an embarrassment and disappointment. not only to myself but my family. and the worse part was knowing that you've disappointed everyone and crush all the dreams and hopes they have for you :'(
Him: No, why not you buy it since you're a girl.
Me: What does being a girl have to do with anything?
Him: Cos you can say you need it for your friend.
Me: I don't think they'll even ask for a reason!
Him: Okay, we go buy together.
Me: (I've never done this before!) okay.
Him: Why not we buy something else as well. den can cover up the kit.
Me: They still have to scan it anyway -_-"
Him: Oh. right. Heh.
I still have not totally gotten over that fact yet,
I'm still learning to forgive myself, everyday...
I'm still learning to forgive myself, everyday...
Well, we thought about aborting "it" since it was still very small. I know! an EVEN BIGGER SIN right? but there we so many things going on inside my head. I can't imagine what was going on inside Khalid's mind then but I'm sure he was in "panic mode" - with words, "stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, argh!" you know stuff like that -_-"
We talked about abortion, whether we wanted to keep it. whether we should tell our parents or keep things quiet. stuff like if we were to abort the baby, where would we abort the baby, whether it would affect a person, physically and mentally. or would it just be a simple procedure. With me working under a work permit made things even the more difficult and all the more complicated. and another thing, RELIGION -_-"
I felt like everything was crashing down on me. Finally during the end of the 3rd month, we decided to go to the polyclinic nearby to do a thorough checkup. I bet the procedure was the same, checking of the urine, and a simple blood test. after all these (which took about 30 mins) we took our number and soon our number was called. entered the doctor's room and it was officially confirmed that I was pregnant. I still can remember the doctor asking me, "so, what are you going to do?" and I replied, "we're opting for an abortion." but what broke my heart was the look on the doctor's face.
I had become part of the "statistics".
We were then sent to the counselor's office..and there we were talked into keeping the baby, as I was already at 3 1/2 months coming 4 months into my pregnancy. and there she was showing us photos of how big the fetus was inside the tummy and all :'( I cried, seriously. I didn't know what to do. Just to show you guys a bit of what I saw...
1st Month: In the first 8 weeks, the baby, called an embryo, is developing tiny limb buds, which will become arms and legs. Its heart and lungs begin to form. The embryo looks like a tadpole. By the 25th day, the heart begins to beat. The brain and spinal cord begin to form. At the end of the first month, the embryo is about ½ inch long and weighs less than 1 ounce.2nd Month: The embryo develops into a fetus. Major organs and systems are formed but not completely developed during this month. The placenta is in the early stages. The placenta exchanges nutrients from the mother’s body for waste products produced by the fetus. The ears, wrists, and ankles are formed. Fingers and toes are developed. Eyelids form and grow but are sealed shut. At the end of this month, the fetus begins to look like a person, is about 1 inch long, and weighs less than 1 ounce.
3rd Month: You can hear the fetus’s heart beat with an instrument called a doptone. The fingers and toes have soft nails. The mouth has 20 buds that will become teeth. The body organs continue to mature, and the fetus gains weight. By the end of this month, the fetus is 4 inches long and weighs a little more than 1 ounce.
4th Month: The fetus can hear your voice, move, kick, and swallow. The umbilical cord is growing and thickening to carry nourishment from the mother to the fetus. The umbilical cord can also pass along hazards like alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. The placenta is fully formed at this point. At the end of this month, the fetus is about 6 to 7 inches long and weighs about 5 ounces.
...so basically after seeing all those photos, and hearing all the information. I couldn't take it any longer. I decided to keep it, and since Khalid kept telling me it was up to me. and it was my decision, and he'll just be there to support me. I can proudly say that the decision to keep my baby bubs was mine. and I'm proud of my decision. although things are not easy and times are hard but I do not regret for one single day. the decision to keep her.
When we told our decision to the counsellor, she was so happy, she gave me a name and the number of a Christian doctor to see at Gleneagles Hospital. We went to see him the very next day. he was a kind doctor, and he gave me some vitamins free of charge when he saw how tight we were in the "financial department". and also gave us some advises on what to do..since I was in a "stuck" situation. regarding the work permit.
...and he told me "it" might be a girl. though not too sure yet, but it seemed so. I was happy but at the same time, ah you get it..mixed emotions! ok. not easy to makan and swallow! :(
but now I'm sure that with everything that happened, God was there for me, for us, for baby bubs. leading and guiding us :) I'm truly blessed. and I thank God, I did the right thing. now for the next chapter, telling the parents -_-"
When we told our decision to the counsellor, she was so happy, she gave me a name and the number of a Christian doctor to see at Gleneagles Hospital. We went to see him the very next day. he was a kind doctor, and he gave me some vitamins free of charge when he saw how tight we were in the "financial department". and also gave us some advises on what to do..since I was in a "stuck" situation. regarding the work permit.
...and he told me "it" might be a girl. though not too sure yet, but it seemed so. I was happy but at the same time, ah you get it..mixed emotions! ok. not easy to makan and swallow! :(
but now I'm sure that with everything that happened, God was there for me, for us, for baby bubs. leading and guiding us :) I'm truly blessed. and I thank God, I did the right thing. now for the next chapter, telling the parents -_-"
Labels: my pregnancy, my story
"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
3:36 AM
3:36 AM
speechless.
next time. use condom. LOL.
anyways. good luck and all the best to u in ur future. tho i dun know u much.
but a friend is a friend no matter who they are.