Hrmm now let me see, where do I start.
Okay, I know where to start.

I did not tell anyone I was home. I mean when I first came back from Singapore. I was so ashamed and disappointed with myself. for a fact that I had let my family down. I felt as though I had no more dignity left.

Thoughts like: How stupid could I be. How could I have made this sort of mistake. What would people think of me now. How much shame have I put onto this family. and all the negative thoughts kept bombarding my mind. piercing my heart. I felt numb.

I did not know what to do, or where to go. all I felt like doing was just die. Everyday, I would just sit in front of the tellie and watch chinese drama series one after another. I can still even remember the sequence if you asked me now. okay, not all but maybe a little.

Life was pretty much boring. I was just pretty much spending time at home doing nothing but grow health mushrooms, and potatoes on the couch -_-" no one knew I was back until if am not mistaken one or two weeks later. I think the only person who knew about what had happened first, was Denise. that I myself am not sure when I told her. I told the other girls whom I trusted, at that time, a week or so after I told Denise. We girls managed to go out once or twice but that was it.


Well anyway after a two months being in Kuching, I decided to leave. I just felt so down that I didn't know what to do. I didn't feel like staying at home everyday. and I definitely was not ready to face the music (relatives and friends) I just thank God, an aunt of mine was kind enough to have opened her doors to me in KK, Sabah. when she found out about what had happened with me. She just offered for me to go over and also coincidentally her brother (my uncle ofcos) was getting married just about the same time.


If it had not been for her, I think I would have gone crazy in Kuching..doing absolutely nothing. and my mind filling with thoughts so negative like a tornado filled with chairs, tables, houses, cars, and all sorts of shit -_-" if you get wot I mean.

Well the decision to go over wasn't that easy as well. We were considering if I were to actually give birth there in Sabah or come back to Kuching to give birth. Cos if I were to go over, it wasn't confirmed that I was able to come back as I was already into the 6th or 7th month of my pregnancy. we almost forfeited the flight, oh..and btw the flight was paid by my aunt.

Anyway as soon as we got there, everything was close to perfect but as you all know , nothing is perfect in real life. soon, certain issues (like unable to go out on our own freely - had no transport & it was almost like prison at certain times - unable to go for night church meetings and etc) came up and despite having free food, free lodging, and almost everything else..so in the end mum and I decided to move in and rent with one of her church friend. She's really really nice! though kinda slow at times but super nice person.

There at her place, we had so much more freedom NOT THE CLUBBING KINDA FREEDOM OK, geez. so old also cannot think. no common sense. hypocrite. backstabbing biatch <---meant for someone. but the kind of freedom where you are able to move around freely, freedom to go to church services, freedom spend time and to worship God in His house. that kind of freedom silly!

After we moved out, we were always at the Prayer House @ Sutera Harbour. which was good as it was air conditioned! oh ya, SABAH WEATHER IS SUPER HOTT! and I got to go to Starbucks more often as we lived like 10mins away from town! and if I was not so heavily pregnant..I could have walked! ^__^v

....anyway, being in Sabah taught me alot. being there taught me to be more patient, to be always trusting in God (though I still have those times where I doubt Him -_-") in everything I do, and to know that He is always in control. He's never too late, never too early. always always just in time =)

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:40 AM