I don't know how I would have to describe things that are going on between me and Khalid at this very moment. I guess you can say things are just complicated. I don't know if I love him anymore. The spark isn't there anymore - sad to say - and things are just different than how it used to be. It has become routine that he calls or messages. The relationship is just stale cheese. Boring!

I just wish I was young, as in real young. and carefree. to not know of anything but the love of people surrounding you. and the beauty of everything around you. To know nothing but the positive and to know nothing about the negatives and the evils of the world. You know as we get older, so many things just bombard our minds, or lives. the responsibilities. the pain.

I know not what 2009 holds for me. Right now all I'm doing is just going with the flow and not think of anything else that might bring me down again. I guess I'm just too numb to feel anymore pain. all that is on my shoulders now, is to make sure I bring my daughter up to what God has for her. for her to fulfil her destiny in Him.

If I have missed my chance to bring God glory, I don't want my daughter to do the same. I want the best for her. to have the best education. to grow up to become a woman of God. to love God more than anything in her life. not to only live for Christ. but to have Christ live in her. to truly know Him as her personal Saviour.

I want her to have a father who will be able to support her not only through rough times but also have someone she can look up for examples, someone she can look to when she gets down, for comfort, for support, for strength not only in emotional areas but spiritually too.


Right now the burdens on my shoulders are just so overbearing. I don't know how much longer I can last. I guess you can say I'm relying on strength thats not of my own. It's even more difficult than it may seem from afar. I hope 2009 brings me more happiness that 2008 did. I'll be a year older, and I hope a year wiser as well. wiser and not repeat the same mistakes I have done in the past. Like a quote I heard before, the past only builds you for the future.

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:09 AM