"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
11:22 PM

Plans have changed! I'm not going to KL anymore -_____-"

Well actually it goes like this, I'll be quitting Padini at the end of February. as Mum wants me to spend time with the little one in March, and also will be leaving Kuching mid April instead of March. so since my UPL was not approved, I would have to take Absent (ABST) for 3days! and that would mean either a FILENOTE or a VERBAL WARNING which would lead to TERMINATION. so my BM suggested that if I were to insist on going to KL, he woud rather I quit than things become so complicated with all the UPL, ABST, FILENOTE and VERBAL WARNING -_____-" thus, m not going to Kay Elle anymore :'(

Things have been kinda confusing lately with so many things to think about. With my job, with my little one, with my scholarship, with my medical check up, with my mum and with family issues. and with relationship issues.

For those of you who read my blog and are concern about me, no fret. I am not okay but I am coping alright. Just continue to keep me in prayer iyeah :) I Know My Jesus Is Here For Me. So don't worry alright. I'll be okay, I'll be fine, in its own time.

*big hugs*

Anyways just had a nice chat with Mr. Someone. but I am still rather confused when it comes to his feelings for me. I'm not sure whether he really feels for me, or is he just playing around with me. with my heart. with the feelings I have for him. oh bother -____-" btw, Mr.K isn't out of the picture but its just that so many things are happening..sighs. I just don't know what to do.

Well, am off to bed. Got to get up early.. Mum is leaving for KL early in the morning and I gotta deal with baby and her baby-sitter, now that the both of us aren't going to KL anymore. Talking about that. I'm so broke this month. Wana know why?

Baby's Milk : RM56.90 (ONE TIN) x 4 = RM227.60
Baby's Diapers : RM45.90 (ONE BAG) x 4 = RM183.60
Given to Mum: RM400.00
Stupid Torn Credit Card Slip = RM122.30
AirAsia Flight Tickets = RM350.00
Daily Expenses (Rounded Up) = RM300
_______________________________________
Total Expenditure for this month : RM1583.50
_______________________________________

Bah. And it's not even end of the month -____-" I'm so super doomed :'(
Goodnight everyone. Sighs.

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:57 AM

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:43 AM

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know how to feel with you anymore.
Although I care, it's not I - that's pushing you,
It's YOU who's pushing me away.

All I want to do is stay near.
To feel warmth, not cold heartedness
To feel love, not annoyance and hatred.
To feel your care towards me.
Is it so hard? Is it so hard to care? a little more than usual?



Honestly, I don't know what you want from me.
You want me around you, but you keep drawing a line.
You want me around but you want me heartless,
to just pretend that everything is okay.
to receive whatever treatment you give.

I don't even know if you truly care anymore.
I know you cared about me before, but I don't know about now.
Does it even matter to you how I feel?
Does it matter to you that I'm fragile too?



I don't think you even care if you loose me or not.
cos right now, your life and your feelings
are way more important than anything or anyone else.
EVEN ME.
I'm nobody to you.
If I were to leave, you wouldn't even bother.

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
12:30 AM

Things have changed so much.
I don't understand where we stand anymore.
My heart, its throbbing with pain from the inflicted wound.
I don't know how you can do this much to me.
I don't know why have I let you affect me this much.
I don't know why do you make such an impact on me.

You mean the world to me. and with that,
you're freaking out and for that,
I AM SORRY.

Even after you hang up, and tell me you want to sleep.
I still keep hoping and waiting for you to come back online.
To say that you cannot keep away from me.
To say that you want me, and need me, and love me.
To tell me that you see us together somehow in the future.
just somehow, maybe, just a glimpse of hope.
yet you give me none at all.

What do you want from me?
To love me yet desert me.
To care for me yet use me?
To tell me that you want me but another as well.
I want you for myself. to not share. just to be mine.
I don't know how you do this to me.

I feel so much for you.
but I know, you feel none for me at all.
I feel stupid. like an idiot.
I'm sure. you're proud of yourself Mr.
I'm sure you think you have accomplished something.
I just wished you loved me. more than her

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
1:47 AM

This has been the best weekend I've had in a long time.

Bestie Denise dropped by for the weekend trip from Singapore. I can't believe its been 6months since I last saw her -_____-" time flies so fast! (babe, you are not fat -____-" you look stunning) Well it was a quick decision for her to come down. airfare was gawd damn cheap and before you know it, she was here. my replacement off day was sooooo last minute as well. but everything turned out well, thanks to some of my colleugues who were kind enough to cover for me :)

Like I said, time flies so fast! Well, with her being back for 3days was quite a rush but all fared well. We went for drinks, went to have steamboat, went to the beach (randomly) and went to have pork rice although the one that we wanted to go to was closed. it was all fun anyways :)

Life has not been easy for me but I thank God for everything that has happened. One thing I have learn is that everything happens in its own time. Gosh, listen to me talk! I feel like a hypocrite. I mean, I have to admit that I am not a patient person but I guess God is training me everyday for what's to come in the future. I am certain that He has big plans for me, though I may not see it now but I believe in Him, I believe Him. I believe that He loves me enough to take care of me. like the birds of the air and the flowers that bloom in spring. and I shall not doubt. Let me rephrase that, I shall try my best not to doubt Him.

p/s: though I was mean, thank you for trying your best to make me read my bible -____-" feel so unholy man! geez.

Anyways am now in Starbucks, connection at home got disconnected cos Dad forgot to pay the bills but of well, doesn't really matter anyway, kinda helps me to give more of my attention to the little one at home. I've been paying to much attention to Mr.Someone or more of like issues regarding with that Mr.Someone that now, I guess I'm not as interesting to him as I was before. I don't know -_____-" whatever I guess.

I gotta go now. Life sucks but life sure is a beauty as well :)

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
7:07 PM

I miss you Mr. Someone -____-"
Come, lets go Bali together.
and when you gonna come visit me?!
or bring me to KL? ^______^"

P.S. Goodnight & Sweet Dreams

"Coz you are the Brightest Star and I'm in love with who you are."
2:08 AM